Would you like fries with that?

Today, I got up the nerve to go to a drive-through bank machine. I know you’re wondering why that’s such a big deal, but I had never banked from my car before. I actually tried a few times before, but there are several lanes behind the bank, only one of which has an automatic teller. The others just have funny plastic tubes, a speaker and a few buttons. I’m still not sure how to use those, but I’ve mastered the drive-through bank machine!

I recall the first time I used a bank machine. I was about 16 years old and thought I knew everything. I already had worked part-time for a couple of years, so I was used to depositing my pay in person on Saturdays, when the bank opened for a couple of precious hours. That was the day that everyone in my home town, who hadn’t been able to bank between the convenient hours of 10am and 3pm on weekdays, lined up to do their banking.

You’d sigh with frustration and roll your eyes silently at the ancient people with canes, who’d shuffle to the counter ahead of you, cursing them for using up precious Saturday time, when they could have come during the week! You’d use the time spent in line to fill out the deposit form correctly with account information, dates, the value of the deposit and the amount requested back in cash.

How the bank machine liberated us! How I loved the privacy, the flexibility, the power of my Green Machine card from the TD Bank! The one I have now from my St. Louis bank is a combined Visa and debit card, which is a novelty here in town and throws all merchants into confusion. Mostly, I can’t use the debit option at the counter as the cash registers automatically treat it as a credit card. Oh well, same pocket, I guess.

You get used to bank machines. Likely, you use your writing hand to enter the number and take the money, clutching your wallet with the other and shielding your transaction from prying eyes with your whole body. You enter your PIN code quickly, out of habit. It’s a number you’ll recall years later when you no longer use that bank card but cannot remember the code for the one you’re trying to use at the moment. Now, I want you to try to do your banking with your left hand (if you’re right handed). Also, crouch down so you can’t read the screen very well. That was my first drive-through banking experience.

First of all, I stopped way too far from the machine, so the whole concept of “drive” was spoilt, when I had to put my car in park and open the door in order to reach the damn buttons. I was determined to stay in the car, though, so I just sort of half got out. Now the banking was also uncomfortable because my legs started to shake from holding a crouch throughout the transaction. The wait was longer because I’ve never entered my PIN with my left hand. It’s hard. Plus, I could only remember the PIN code for the Green Machine card that I owned nearly 30 years ago. I’m sure the nice people behind me were trying to help but the honking was not making it any easier.

Then, you get your money and your whole routine is wrecked. I’m a creature of habit. I always put away the card, then the money, then the receipt. But, at the drive-through bank machine, you’re supposed to be fast. You’re supposed to DRIVE. I mean, that’s the whole point. So, I clutched my money in one hand, threw the bank card on the passenger seat, ate the receipt and peeled out of there.

I wonder if I’ll get up enough nerve to try again....